I’ll tell you what…marriage is absolutely a learning experience. You learn so much more about your significant other through marriage than you ever would have just by dating. However, you also learn a lot about yourself. I find myself thinking lately, is this even worth it? Certainly you shouldn’t marry somebody who brings out the worst sides of you, when sometimes the worst sides overpower the best. When you find that you are both significantly better at tearing each other down than lifting each other up, you should realize changes HAVE to be made.

The first question I truly have to ask myself is, what is this relationship worth to me? I ask myself whether this relationship is worth it, because there is no doubt I love my significant other. What you need to realize though, is that love cannot and does not fix your problems. You can whole heartily love somebody but it will not make you more compatible.

Once you’ve established the worth, determine whether you’re going to step up and try or if you have nothing left to give. I find myself a lot of the time placing blame on my significant other, never really realizing that for every complaint I am missing the point. I listen, but I don’t actually hear what they are trying to say to me. I realize that while I love this person I married more than absolutely anything, I have not been giving a whole lot of effort. I definitely need to step up and give my best effort. It took me a long time to realize that someone who complains about the way they are being treated or how they wish certain things would change is somebody who…absolutely still cares and is trying.

You can sit back and take every complaint, but without effective communication nothing is really going to change or improve if you cannot even get to the root of the problem. What is our greatest weakness? We are both far too stubborn, I definitely do not want to back down from thinking I am right in any given situation and neither does the other. What happens when you always want to be right? You both stop hearing each other and inevitably…you’ll both stop caring and trying.

Why is hearing somebody and listening to somebody completely different? Because, I do listen but I hear what I want to hear after a certain point. If you don’t truly hear somebody for the problem rather than the complaint, well– nothing will ever get solved. This is where I currently find my marriage.

I find myself, thinking about myself. I don’t feel listened to or heard. I feel like I can’t state the problem without the other trying to prove me wrong. I CAN’T, I DON’T, I WON’T, WE AREN’T, THIS ISN’T WORKING, I DON’T KNOW. What is the problem with all of these other than I find myself saying them all of the time? I am saying something negative ALL of the time. Now if this is how feel, suddenly I realize this is without a doubt how my other half feels also. Communication and Understanding are two things a marriage can never last without.

I think we forget that the person we married should be at least the one person we can always be open with. If you can’t be truthful with each other, well it’s going to cause damaging problems in the near future. Somebody you committed your life to absolutely can detect when you put a wall up and block them out, signifying to them that you aren’t trying or that you don’t care. The best advice I can give to myself and anyone else is to start hearing what your significant other has to say. Stop taking the complaint for what it is and understand the problem, patience while it starts to become harder to come by, is necessary in all sense of the word.

If you still care, try hard because marriage takes work it will never be effortless. If it’s still worth it, show them they are worth it and start hearing them out. Actually participate actively in arguments let your disagreements be known also. You can state a problem without criticism. If you start placing blame, you start thinking you don’t do anything wrong and they will always be the problem. Marriage is hard…so work HARD.